finding peace

Nope, I'm not talking about peace in the world, simply peace with myself, peace with karate, and mostly, peace with competing...

Those who can read between the lines can already sense that yesterday's competition didn't go as well as I'd hoped it would. That both Andrew and I dropped our bo is the smallest of things I need to make peace with, the whole competition thing and how the show is sometimes run are more what made me cringe during that day.

First things first, we both dropped our bo, both at the exact same spot in the kata. Not on the throw per say, but just before, when we roll the bo over our right hand. As I said, this is not what bothered me about the day. As they say, shit happens. Both Andrew and I had made many, many successful roll over hand/throw routines that morning before the start of competition, but heh, we dropped it. Shit happens. Pick up your bo, finish your kata and vow to practice and get better for the next competition. Yeah, it's frustrating, but I can get over it. The other things surrounding the competition thing are a bit more irksome.

Let me make something clear, I'm not making excuses, I dropped the bo, nobody else made me drop it. Here's the day's story...

Let's start with how my bo category started. I got called first. Way they always do it is one of the judges will call the first name and the name of the competitor in preparation. So my name is called. I get to the corner of the ring, judges are looking ahead, looking at me actually. I take this as my cue and bow to make my entrance. I have to little entrance, where I walk to the middle of the ring, strike once forward, pivot to my right to face the judge while making a strike again. Both these strikes are accompanied by a kiai. Even though the kata has not started at that point, this entrance is pretty much part of my kata. Well, as I see them looking at me, I bowed, started walking to the middle of the ring, strike/kiai once, pivot and strike/kiai again only to realise that the judges have just decided to huddle up, just as I was about to walk to them, and their are talking among themselves. I can make up what they are talking about, it's about how they should score the different weapons from one to another. Hello, this could have been done before you sat down. This little entrance routine is all part of my "getting in the zone" routine and them throwing me a wrench like that just deflated me. I stood there for a good 2-3 minutes, waiting for a nod or something. When the nod finally came, I had come out of my "zone". Nope, it's definitely not why I dropped the bo, not even close to saying that, but it sure did irk me.

Anyway, I did my kata that one time, dropping the bo not once, but twice, but the second time was me being simply out of it due to the first drop. As you'll see in the video, I considered picking up my bo and not finishing the kata, but I did finish it. Also, if you pay close attention to my bo, amidst all the spinning, you can see that I made a tiny alteration to its look. I added a black tape mark in the exact center of it. That way, I can concentrate on that black spot whenever the bo is spining in the air and I always try to catch that black mark. If you remember, my old bo had a blue taping right in the middle and I would always try to catch it right in the middle of that blue taping mark. I gave that tip to Andrew about a week ago and he came to me before the competition on Sunday morning, telling me that my trick was indeed working. His bo is also very shiny, but has a red taping in the middle. He told me that now, he tries to concentrate on the red mark to catch it and he told me he is more confident with his throws now. Good for you boy, good for you. :)

So here'S my oopsie version of my kata:


What they usually do when there are more than three competitors is that they make the first three go and then give out scores to the first three. That's what they did yesterday. After the third one had done his kata, they huddled up again and one of the judges came to me, telling me that since it was an underbelt category, I was allowed a "do over" but that I would be penalized 0.5 point. With scores usually ranging within one tenth (0.1) of one another (sometimes 9.7 to 9.8, sometimes 9.8 to 9.88 like they ended up being yesterday) that penalty meant that if I elected to do my kata again, it would simply be for myself, i.e. no chance of getting anywhere near the top 4. There was no way I was gonna leave with that drop on my mind so I told him that if they allowed me, yes I would like to do it again. I did it again and this time it went much better. Not perfect but much better. Here's the video of this second time, and this time, all of me is in the frame of the camera. :)


Then came one of the moments where I say I need to find peace, mostly peace with what I do with the bo and why I do it. I do it because I have fun doing it. I know I've come a long way and I do something not many adult in the 30-39 category do, actually not one other adult did an open bo form. What irked me in that case was the scores I received. I know I shouldn't pay attention to scores and should simply be happy that I did my kata right the second time around, but I just can't help it. The three judges gave me scores of 9.84 all accross the board, before deduction. When all was said and done, without the deduction, that would have given me maybe 4th or 5th place. Thing is, I can't see how at least two if not three of the competitor who were ahead of me did end up there. I'm baffled. I know some parts of my kata are sloppy, at least in my eye, but some of the others were plain "unpowerful". I'm talking about traditional bo form without the humph. Sigh, again, this is where I need to tell myself that I do the bo that way because I like doing it that way, not because judges like to see it that way...

But then, some more similar stuff happened, in traditional kata this time. In the category of fellow blogger Sébastien (30-39yo, beginner underbelt), I saw two competitors simply butcher their kata (one the pinan 1, the other the pinan 3) while trying to impress the judges too much. Yelling a kiai at every little strike while blocking without controlling anything and forgetting your stances is not how I'd say is the right way to practice. And I'm not talking about difference between styles, these competitors are people from my style simply learning at another school in the Quebec City area. Again, I need to forget what I saw, what other people are doing, take a step back and think about why I practice. Back to basics, tell myself not to go for the show, not only to impress the judges. I will get back to that, but for now, that showing bothered me a bit.

But then, prior to the start of competition, I had one discussion that now in retrospect bothers me a bit more even. A blue belt in our 30-39yo category, i.e. in the intermediate underbelt category, told me as I asked him what kata he was going to present, that he was going to present a shotokan kata that is supposedly a third dan black belt kata. Turns out one of his friend is a black belt in that style and has showed him the kata. To me, that guy is missing on the essence of learning martial arts. To me, there's a growing that happens through the kata. The first pinan kata we learn is there because it's a basic one, making your work on your pivots and stances and one simple strike. The second pinan has some different things in it, and so does the third pinan and so on, and so on. I never asked one of my instructors to teach me Cat 3 before I knew and has somehow mastered Cat 1 and Cat 2. Again, I shouldn't have let that bother me, but I did. It's *MY* karate and I do it for my own self. Another thing I need to find peace with, that one should be very difficult though. Kepp practicing the way you've always done is what I'm telling myself...

Meanwhile, Andrew's weapon form category happened and as I said, the poor kid dropped his bo, at the exact same spot where I did drop mine. Here's his kata on video:


First thing that struck me as kind of odd from him, other than anything that happened after the drop, is how fast he was going through his kata prior to the drop. He missed at least a couple of kiai that I know should have been there and probably would have given emphasis to some strikes. I wasn't there to watch it, so on video was the first I'd seen of him, but when I talked to him about it later on in the afternoon, he acknowledged that he he was going faster than he wanted to, but didn't know why. My wife took me apart and then told me that just a few minutes prior to him performing his kata, after I'd worked him up to be concentrated and ready to go, my dad, who was there to see him perform, got a bit too happy to see him and started playing with him, tickling him mostly. She said she could see Andrew losing focus right then and there. Sigh, what was wrong in the stars yesterday? Was every little thing meant to tick me off? I mean, Andrew's up to a level where he's started to realize what being nervous is. He's started realizing that things will come to you when you work hard and stay focused, yet my dad just killed that. Sigh... I cannot be there and control my dad, can I? Should I? My wife told me she told Andrew to stay put and focused prior to his traditional kata and she thought she caught my mother staring at my dad for a moment. Maybe he got the hint... I told Andrew I was still very, VERY proud of him and how far he's come since we first started practicing the bo. We will keep on practicing, no more pressure than before, because it's with that kind of mindset that we will grow.

One way I always know if he has improved or not is by watching my wife, his mother, as he warms up. Since I see him every week, I don't always realize to what point he's really improved his bo handling, but when my wife sees him warm up and her eyes open up wide, I know she's suddenly impressed. :)

The kind of cool thing for Andrew was that they were only two entered in the 9yo weapon form category, so even though he dropped his bo, they still gave him second place and a plaque. My wife did film the other kid and after watching his performance carefully, I'd say that Andrew is closing the gap. Where he used to be well behind the other 9yo bo handlers, he is now very, very close to behind among the very good ones. His kata isn't as flashy as some, but he has better, stronger stances now and his strikes are good with good hand placements. I told him that and that is he kept working on it and on controlling his nerves, he could very well end up beating one of the other kid one day.

Then came my traditional kata category. I present Cat 3. I only learned it about a couple weeks ago so that was more a challenge to myself than a challenge to come in the top 4. Eleven competitors were in that 30-39yo advanced underbelt category, an amazing turnout. I didn't come in the top 4, but I think I did well for a first time presenting that kata. Here's the video, I'll comment on it afterward:


I had a couple of "freeze frame" moments, one evident one right at the start of the kata when I go to my left, and I had a big misstep after my second back kick, but otherwise I'm fairly happy with it. Stuff still needs to be worked on, but I didn't expect to be perfect on that day, simply to make it through without one major blank.

But then again, the cherry on top of the sundae, and yeah, I know this is turning into the rant & vent fest of the year, but there was one more moment. During our traditional kata category, maybe 6 or 7 competitors into it, all three of our judges turned around and watched the bo performance of a black belt from the 18-29yo category happening in the ring behind them. I tell ya, it was as if time had stopped in our ring, so much so, that I thought all competitors had performed and they were simply calculating scores, until I saw a fellow competitor standing at the corner of the ring, on the ready, waiting for a nod to enter the ring. I find that unacceptable, disrespectful even. What's the message we should get out of that behaviour? That since we're not black belts, we're nobodies? Sure I'm pushing it and I sound like a whiner, but sheesh, you gotta do as you preach. You learn respect in karate, in martial arts in general actually, then why not show some to the people you commit to. And what could have I done in that situation? Not much, in my opinion at least, as the center judge in my ring was a very high ranked black belt. This is sad that it happened like that, but I wouldn't be as incensed about it if that were not the second time something like that had happened in my ring in two month's time. Yeah, in the competition back in October, again during my age category's traditional segment, all three judges turned to the ring right behind them, this time to watch a fight again in the 18-29yo black belt category. I'll refrain to comment any further, but that was again, just disrespectful. Maybe I'm just seeing too much into it, maybe I'm just being overly sensitive, you tell me. It just left a bad taste in my mouth to be treated like that, and it was the hushed sentiment of many of my fellow competitors standing close to me. Sigh... Again, make peace with it, forget it, practice, and persevere...

Andrew did a good rendition of his Circle of the Tiger, one that he told me he was proud of, that he felt he'd done well. Here's a video of him performing that kata:


I don't see any big flaws to it but sadly, his name was drawn first and in a category with 19-20 competitors, going first can sometimes be a kiss of death. I wasn't there to see the other and maybe my wife is a bit biased but she told me that to her untrained eyes, he could have placed in the top 4 had he come a bit later in the group. She also said that she felt there were many discrepancies in scores from one competitor to the next. Anyway, as I told Andrew, and as I'm telling myself, getting a trophy or a medal was not the only reason we entered that competition. That competition was more for us to find a new way to motivate ourselves to learn our stuff. He agreed with me that he has indeed grown in his practice of karate, same as I have. His kiai are more "attitude" now, like supergroup7 commented about the Christmas show video. Yeah, that was with his bo, but his whole karate demeanor has gone up a couple notches. If only for that, I think we can find peace with competition...

This was a very long post, if you are still reading, thank you very much. Feel free to comment on my bad fortune. :)

If you're not reading anymore, well you won't read this but I don't blame you one bit. :p

FM